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Thursday, March 08, 2012

Hey blogging again,

Midterms ended,

Canto speech ended,

Happy max!

Haha

This past week had been awesome,

Had bad midterms first but well,

It turned out fine

Got 84 for audit!

Am I pro or what HAHA

Burnt alot of midnight oil,

But was well worth it

Accompanied dorothy on mon,

And for tues,

Burnt it for my audit and mgmt

Wed, the big day,

And thurs was party day,

Went out cuz it's mychelle's bday..

Was a bad but thankful experience i should say

Saw the knight that I have been waiting for after so long,

Always wanting to catch him around school,

But I kinda of never did after Valentine's day.

Now thinking back,

Wow this is kinda bad, for so so long,

How could I survive seriously, LOL

I can still imagine the thrill upon sight.

He looked super amazing even in the dark,

With his usual specs and styled hair,

You just cant help, but not take eyes of him,

Went to the side to look for Bruno,

Wasnt the partying type so you settled at the corner,

The him who also settled at the side,

Didnt come to look for me,

The image of him pulling kayla to dance,

Was so bad, so so bad,

And then had to much to drink.

Lesson learnt,

No drinking when in purple mode.

Went back,

Woke up real early,

Mug in the library,

And the miracle,

I seriously hoped for him to come find me in the library,

But I got it even better,

Got an invitation to go,

Though you kinda swore to sever all ties,

But you still went anyway,

And the best part is that the people going,

Are his friends,

Not exchange but those with the same blood as him.

The allowance of intrusion would mean something i guess.

But still it was fun.

Not the trip, but more of the company,

With the mentality,

This is enough,

A nice way to end everything.

All the memories,

Arcade,

Customs,

Lunch,

And aimless walking around.

Something that I want to remember for a long time.

But well

Now I'm tired,

JUst wanna rest,

I'll continue another day

Love ya!

You coloured my life @
11:26 PM
[c]d4rkang3l

Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Hey blogging again,

This time from hk.

Back in Hk after the new year,

And school has really started,

All the projects have started to pile in.

However,

The topic today is not about the daily lives though,

But rather what has gone past my mind this afternoon,

Went I went swimming in the Indoor Heated Pool~~~

When you experience differences,

When there's a Jacuzzi just by the side for usage,

When the bluish water is replaced by greenish ones,

When the constant hot air disappears, only to find cold harsh ones,

When the scale is much larger,

When the place is much cleaner,

Why do the thoughts appear to be similar?

It's forever about the same stuffs,

Life, Dreams, Boys and Forever Alones zzz

And this time,

Again, the forever fleeting feeling.

And you know that it's never going to change,

Until someone comes in to take his place

Super zzz max

And this time even worse,

One that will not even be possible given situation and time.

But still,

One that caught my attention right from the start.

However that time,

I chose to ignore as I wasnt in my friend-making mode,

And I didnt want to engage in unnecessary small talk.

In the end, we still ended up doing self intros with all that big group,

Yea, but there wasnt much thought.

And then,

At Gigi's birthday party,

All was there and him too, but again,

The focus wasnt on him but the other 2,

The hotpot with the other 2 was fantastic and I really had an awesome dinner,

Also, it was more of wanting to get to know the others,

Wanting to develop with them.

However, disappointment struck when you knew that both of them chose not to come over.

The hatred for smoke formed my invisible barrier,

The barrier that if they felt that I was in any little way important,

They would come and break it for me.

And in the end,

It was this knight in shining armor who came.

Even though I wasnt all that friendly to him,

He still came, talked to me and made me laugh.

There might be no intended meaning,

But to me, at least, it felt special, that I was not just some passerby

Because at first you think it's probably just being courteous,

But then when you see the reaction of others,

It makes it so much more clearer.

And then a midst the emo postings,

He read and commented,

And eventually got me joined him and friends for dinner,

But i got the message too late and didnt turn up.

Although things didnt go well,

Just the thought that he remembered and asked me out,

Was worth smiles.

And then no news,

There was no more common linings and stuff,

Despite the desire to meet again,

There was no avenue, no courage, no reason.

Not sure if it was fate but I then posted another,

Indicating that if there are no more news,

The lingering trace of him would vanish from my world.

And then, I found out he went back for CNYs'

On another occasion,

He then called a friend and I for dinner =)

Elated as I was, I'm quite sure it would be an enormous party and such,

A surprising event, as there were only 4 showing that it wasnt just a mass dinner

Though there are, again, probably no meaning intended.

This paranoid writer here, likes to think beyond, and etc etc

You dont think much of it at first,

And you dont think you are affected by it.

But when you realize that,

There's a tendency for you to check for fb messages

There's a tendency for you to look at ur phone hoping for another dinner,

There's a tendency for you to be sad when there is no more reply,

There's a tendency for you to alight at the next stop,

And wait for the next bus cause you know he's on that one.

You realize that shit,

It's starting all over again.

The fleeting feeling this time, has landed on him.

But I hope it disappears too,

And to some extent I hope he doesnt reply that msg,

Just like how the prev didnt reply his wadsapp

And drew the line.

So well,

Let's would this complicated friend of yours would

Think much lesser, And live a happier life

Kk Gtg le cya~

You coloured my life @
9:46 PM
[c]d4rkang3l

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Hey,

Blogging again...

This time blogging more about the korea trip..

Haha cuz shir said she would be diary-ing her trip

Then I suddenly feel like I shd too,

To document this journey,

One that would be great to remember

However,

It'll be in pieces though,

Cuz I dont want this blogging process to be a chore,

More of one that I juz blog to remember

Dont want to hide any,

Just want it to truthfully reflect,

Not everything though,

Just things that I want to remember.

Perhaps,

I want to remember the beautiful snowflakes that glistered in the night light,

The snowflakes that are genuinely, crystal shaped

So pretty, so pure, so thought provoking

When looking at this snow,

I cant help but wonder,

Who did I want to share this moment with,

And it was then you realised who were those impt to you,

JC friends,

Sc friends,

Hua yi friends,

The special someone,

But not surprisingly,

Uni friends have never crossed my mind.

And than you think further,

If you will ever meet a special someone,

Someone who you want to protect,

Someone who you want to care for,

Someone who you can rely and trust.

And if I really do,

How will he be like?

I also want to remember the exhilarating rush when skiing

The wind behind your ears,

The increased heartbeat of acceleration,

The coldness covered up by heat of excitement.

Again,

A lone time to think of alot,

As there is a clash of interest in the family.

The land of snow triggers feelings of achievement,

What have I done to make the world different?

In the vast white land,

Compared to my little self,

What do I want to achieve,

And do I even have the courage to achieve it.

I have always prided myself as one that I willing to do whatever I wanted.

To experience things that I want to,

To be who what I wanted to be at all cost.

However,

This time you know you have so much to bear,

So many expectations of you,

That every one move will impact those you love,

That the life you want to lead might not give the best to those around you.

Decisions, decisions,

I wonder how will I choose in the end.

A life for others?

I really dont know.

Skiing was amazing with Gloria and Gideon,

We climbed bout for 45 minutes I'm sure,

Stopping at random grounds to stone on the ice for 5 mins

And we really reached the place where the ski lifts extends to.

That last slide down was super stress though,

Having to break continuously Haha

But at least I didnt crash into someone unlike Gideon

LOL sorry gideon haha

My first higher slope was with funing and fuxiong,

Was urged by funing to go higher though.

Haha, wasnt a good experience coming down though LOL

And a cool experience,

The first time causing someone to fall.

Reminds me of memoirs of the geisha. Haha

An amazing feeling, no words but just a smile.

I want to remember the theme parks,

A place where happiness never ends,

A place where you see smiles,

A place where you hear laughter.

Perhaps,

What I really want to be,

Is a theme park for all those I love,

That I can put a smile on their faces,

Though momentarily,

But still at least for an instant,

They were happy because of me,

And that they dont cry,

Because its the immense sadness that would bring tears,

Unless those are tears of joy.

Wanting to try new experiences,

Where though you love ur family very much,

You know they are unable to accompany you through this one.

A place that you have to go with friends,

To experience the jaw dropping rides,

To buy cute head bands together,

To psycho each other to take rides that you never would have alone,

To create memories that would last a lifetime.

I want to remember the night that everyone came together.

When I made friends with gloria, gideon, gabriel, bronson and funing.

One of the times you are so grateful that facebook existed.

That mutual friends started the spark.

And my noisy personality helped to keep things going.

I can still remember walking to 7-11

In -10 degrees,

To buy a pack of cards worth $7 bucks

LOL max

The distance though short,

Was cool,

Buying stuff with friends at night in Korea.

It's times like this,

You dont think of much,

You just get too caught up with these new friends,

And want to learn more about them.

A cute family with the mini eyes I like.

At night, went to their room with sis,

And poker all the way to 3am man haha

We played heart attack, bridge, slap jack..

All poker games that we could think of,

It was amazing man haha

Just purely chilling and relaxing...

And it was fun finding an NTU friend on foreign grounds,

And an ADM student too!

Haha, cheers to Gabriel.

I hope I'm not too noisy to the 3 of them.

Haha another thing to remember,

The noisy threesome haha

Mateus (pronounced as ma-tie-ears), timothy and jayden

Haha Jayden and his angry bird (penguin from everland) was super funny

Having that 3 little musketeers lighting up the whole tour was enjoyable.

Played oven break, tiny tower with them

3 lovable kids.

But the thing I rmb most and am grateful for is them sharing.

Sharing alot about how they treat their soft toys haha

To the me that didnt know them for too long,

Think it takes a connection for them to pauto on each other LOL

Jayden pulls off all his stitch'es hair LOL haha

And the fact that I know they like me and my sis better than the rest haha

Something you can feel,

Probably all the gaming haha

And last and more importantly,

The fact the Jayden remembered that I was going hongkong for exchange.

You usually dont remember alot about someone you just met,

And especially for kids,

It's something that you dont do.

I still remember Jayden telling his dad,

Dad! I know something about Constance.

She's going hongkong for the next 6 mths!

Mayb it wasnt impt to him,

But it was to me.

To someone that wants to be different,

To someone that wants to be remembered,

To someone that dreads to be just someone on the street.

Thanks Jayden

I dont want to forget thinking of names for the initial happy feet

I dont want to forget settling on the name angry bird

I dont want to forget learning about your lives

I dont want to forget how stitch's butt's cotton all drop out

I dont want to forget playing tiny tower together with Mateus

I dont want to forget worrying about my phone cover when they are playing with my phone

I dont want to forget discussing what movies to watch together

I dont want to forget Mateus telling me that he watched all the movies halfway

I dont want to forget how happy I was when Mateus and Timothy were sitting behind me on the plane

I dont want to forget how Timothy tried to squeeze his head in to the seat infront just because me and sis were infront

I dont want to forget them running to me when they see me

I dont want to forget their bright smiles that would light up my day

Thanks friends =)

That's all for today,

Perhaps another time when I rmb something,

I'll post again.

Hopefully before hk though

Love ya~

You coloured my life @
9:09 PM
[c]d4rkang3l

Monday, December 26, 2011

Hey,

Blogging again..

Have been super long since I blogged..

Juz fed kiki haha

Lucky he didnt starve to death..

Sorry Kiki..

Haha

Do feed Kiki if you are reading this too =)

Came back from korea..

And am leaving for hong kong soon

1 Wk and 1 day to be exact..

1 yr and 1 sem of uni life has passed

Lots to reflect about

Lots to think about

Lots to be proud of

Lots to be ashamed of

Feeling that I still have not become stronger this past year

Not enough courage to chase after what I really want

Not enough strength to hold on till the end

Not enough determination to forget things that i have to forget

But at the same time,

I feel like I have put in alot of effort to hold on to some dear to me,

To make time for them,

To be a pillar for them to lean on,

To put a smile on their faces

I still rmb wc asking me,

You very free hor,

Everyday also can come out,

Not tired meh...

Or course at that time I juz smiled

But there's alot of meaning behind this

There is a reason for everything

A reason why I am always free to meet george n wc

A reason why I am always free to meet lao mu at west mall

A reason why I am always not free for some uni dinner meet ups

A reason why I am always too tired for certain things

Because you know that no matter how it is,

This is always a way to make time for people you love

This year I have learnt alot,

Gain alot.

From those dear to me.

I had a dessert place and buddy to chill with

I had a park to sit and stone with

I had a buddy to movie and churros with

I had 2 gd buddies that were willing to halloween with me

Though one had to book in early the next day

I had 2 buddies to celebrate a fully packed birthday with me

I had 2 buddies that took several hours to make an awesome card for me

I had a buddy that shared something very important about him to me

I had a buddy that was willing to shop and walk with me after things end

I had a buddy that was willing to take time of with her boy to spend it with me

I had 4 buddies that gave me a memory to bring to hk

I had a buddy that worries for me just because i forget to reply her wad'sapp

I had a buddy that said she will always be here for me when I'm lonely

I had buddies that wanted to fly with me to hk so it wont be scary

To all of them,

Thanks man.

I have received so much love

So much more that I have given.

The coming year would be a totally new experience,

One that I dont know what to expect

One that I dont know how to prepare for

One that I am afraid because all of them are no longer there

A foreign place that i cannot pull them out to hug me

To look after me

So this time I'll be alone.

And this year,

I kinda lost faith in wishes?

For the past year,

Always wishing to find someone special but never having,

Even the closest to those feels like a mistake,

The fleeting feelings always set in and they keep changing.

Putting it nicely would mean leaving everything to fate,

But in reality,

Not wanting to make the first move,

Not wanting to experience failure,

Having a too high self esteem.

All those who made the first move are not those i fancy,

So at the end,

It's back to square one

Back to where nothing has happened,

Nothing has occurred

At first,

I was always trying to avoid.

Cause I found out that we were too similar,

When the matching hypothesis kicks in,

When people are attracted to those similar to them.

Someone very pure,

Not tainted by any previous.

Someone who is as into music as I am,

And probably even more.

Someone who is as literary as me,

But this aspect,

I'm still sure that I'm more well read LOL

Someone who I didnt fancy at the first look

But is his personality that makes you want to look back again

The one that is popular yet reserved.

The one that is cold yet warm.

Someone who is as much into drinking that I am

However,

For some reason,

You will know that you are not someone special to him,

Perhaps just a noisy friend,

Perhaps just a talented friend,

Just a choreographer friend that is nice to have.

And I know just as well that this is a fleeting feeling,

As long as someone else comes,

It will all go away.

So I probably have to wait.

This year,

Has been a cool year too,

Raising my self esteem too..

Having someone that likes you enough just on the first encounter

Having that someone being not a frivolous person

Having someone who can fall from the ski just by staring at you,

Feels great seriously LOL max

Having an idol to complement you

Having to go though lots of ups and downs

Having made cool friends from jap class

HAving made cool friends in korea

Definitely not a year I can easily forget.

Lots to come,

Lots to do,

Lots to remember,

Lots to miss.

I think this year,

I wont be stronger,

But still let me just be me.

Just be the me and make me comfortable.

Love ya~

You coloured my life @
3:01 PM
[c]d4rkang3l

Friday, July 29, 2011

Hey,

Blogging again..

Though I just came back frm camp

HAHA

Tired max, shag max..

But it was super duper fun..

Missed my fellow uziel-ians man

It was super fun being able to be with them tgt again..

And doing wad I love best..

Station masters and zi high-ing

Everything frm the waiting in first day,

To the sneaking of food frm convo

To my very first shooting star in night games,

To beach games and bangla working,

To SP initiation and my transformers gathering,

To crashing of masquerade, NG 100s, fright nite scares,

To SP tekkan, SP dinner and club night,

Even to the convo duty and camp fire!!!

Lots of wonderful memories

Ingenium rocked for me!

Kk..

Blog another day..

I probably am gg-ing soon

zzzz

Love ya

You coloured my life @
11:35 PM
[c]d4rkang3l

Monday, July 18, 2011

Hey,

Blogging again..

Stuffy stuffy stuffy

And I seem to not be able to breathe.

It feels tiring and exhausting,

And it sucks not being able to rest well,

Cause even in my sleep,

The problems surface out.

CCA stuff,

Gathering stuff,

Celebration stuff,

Exchange stuff,

Course matching stuff,

Boys stuff,

Friends stuff,

School starting stuff.

I'm dealing with damn lot of nonsense now.

And it is definitely worse than it sounds.

This time,

It feels bad-der..

Even amongst the busyness,

I can hear the deafening silence,

The creepy desolation,

Even before the noisiness quietens down.

CRAP

And just well all these are happening,

My self esteem hits the all time low.

SHIT it man..

Must have been the training on prev sunday.

I think nxt time,

For all future trainings,

I really need to put on my disguise,

The only thing I find comfort and security in.

I really am not confident of this genre,

So please stop saying I'm good in it.

It just feels sadder.

I miss dancing girls style.

The overflowing confidence and exuding aura given off,

Is damn cool and addictive.

Flaunting to the world,

That you are proud to be a girl,

Proud to be who you are.

I desperately need to find this feeling back better and drop any further.

Cuz

It is the confidence you have in yourself that makes others confident about you.

Some happy stuffs now.

Saturday mon was FOC briefing,

Was boring shit,

But thank god shadow made it,

It not I'm like the only one there man..

And it was cool cuz I havent seen her in ages..

Miss her alot ^^

Uziel outing later on was fun too.

We were at the barrage watching fireworks,

And just stoning there..

Getting there was terrible sia

LOL

My yewsoon and matthew waited at the bus stop for like 40 mins MAN

WTH

HAHA

We wait till really wanted to go home le..

Haha

But the process was bonding?

We kept complaining non stop..

When we reached barrage,

Was late le but cld see the fireworks though..

Although we didnt do much,

It was still amazing how everyone was still able to bond like this,

Was still meet, sit and chat like this..

This alone just felt very heartwarming.

Though there's no spark,

I'm still glad,

That it bothers you when they say that,

That you feel shy when they do,

That it's not just some random nonsense to you,

I'm glad,

Seriously =)

Kk,

I gtg le..

Love ya~

You coloured my life @
9:18 PM
[c]d4rkang3l

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Hey,

Blogging again..

Late at night,

Waiting for my hair to dry..

Dun feel like watching vids,

That's y I'm blogging

LOL MAX

2dae has been a bad day with mixed emotions?

Cuz it's course reg day!!!

HATE COURSE REG DAY =(

Didnt get all my indexes,

Didnt get the mods I wanted

Didnt get same mods as friends

EW EW EW

I'm so stuck with this shitty timetable

With weird timeslots

SIAN MAX =((((

I'm so glad I went out aft that,

Cuz if not,

I'll feel damn sian and sad

Dance was ok?

Cuz Sherman talked to me by surprise,

So I said wrong stuffs?

Stuffs that I shdnt have said or wont said if given another chance..

I should have juz smiled and appreciated his thanks

Crap, another spoilt impression on dance mates

But at least, my effort didnt go through the drain,

I earned my thanks,

For specially going there to perform =)

I'm so glad i did it cuz if I didnt,

I'll probably regret max,

So for this, thanks lao mu for helping out in decision making =)

Dance 2dae was super fun,

Learnt many BBoy floor techniques,

Though I'm still nt good,

But I'll work hard to shine =)

Cuz 2dae's class is small,

Hence the more detailed teaching,

And more attention and personalization

FUN!!!

And i gt my danz ppl shirt! it looks nice =)

But one irritating part is tht one stranger didnt spot me in the pics..

Nt that I care but Am I tht transparent?(this probably means I care)

Went for CAC training later on,

I'm so glad that the couple I'm in charge of quite on,

Everything settle themselves..

Tht leaves me to,

SLACK!

YAY, love slacking!!!

Juz helped out here and there..

Though I said I didnt mind if they changed the moves,

I think deep down, i got abit bu shuang..

I didnt think that I'll actually care sia,

Crap, all the ego's gg to make me feel sad

CRAP

For once,

I kinda realized why I might have chosen yk that time..

I think it's purely because he doesnt treat ppl the same..

You can feel the distance btwn him n the contestants..

I really found it quite weird how the rest can click with thm like best friends

Seriously sia,

I think I really cant,

And even if i can,

I really dont want to..

The distance is crucial and necessary,

And is really comforting.. =)

On the way back,

I sensed something,

Thought it was true and kinda confirmed it at first,

The indescribable gaze,

And the small tell tale signs of conversations..

But this me that you are seeing,

The dance me, and the norm me, is so different.

Luckily, after seeing that formal reply,

It probably was me thinking too much..

The 952 that I saw,

Really pressed me back to reality.

Haha

Oh yay,

I like burned 30 mins

Kk..

Gtg le,

2mr still gt meeting BB

Love ya~

You coloured my life @
1:06 AM
[c]d4rkang3l