![[c]d4rkang3l](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o5/Darkk-ang3l/colourmylife.jpg)
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Hey,Blogging again..
Random emoness again,
I think uni life has taken it's toll on my life again..
=(
So many things to worry about,
And I'm tired again..
Want to rest and all,
Want to rant and all..
And yea,
My performance for cultural night has been over,
And it has been such fun.
But there is sadness lying underneath.
And I totally had no idea,
That in the end,
No matter how hard I tried,
I'm still alone.
I couldnt get anyone to go support me,
That I was not someone special to my friends,
Not as special as they are to me.
I was not someone worth sacrificing for.
I was not someone worth supporting.
Than I was not important.
What made me sad was really,
Not even one.
Friends that I thought I could always count on,
Couldnt even give up one weekend which meant the world to me.
No one had any idea how important it was for me,
My self esteem everything was at stake.
I actually didnt thought about that,
Thinking that it was just a regular performance,
And that I just should have fun with and end.
But while I was trying to get people to see shir perform,
I begin to ask around.
It was then I suddenly feel so small,
Feel that I could so easily be disregarded.
To some extent,
I do regret asking cause precisely because I did,
Which I found out how much I was worth,
It so sad.
And than I thought,
Even to my family,
Something which was so important to me, so frightening to me,
They weren't there.
Dont ever mention to me about the next time,
Because I know that might be that last time I ever have a stage to myself.
I know I'm incapable,
Not as talented as many out there,
But I do have a dream to fulfill,
I do have an impression I want to make.
It's saddening.
Although I do regret that I asked,
I'm actually glad that I asked as well,
Cause it put me right back into place.
That from the start,
I have always been alone.
At least it quelled my thinking that I was ever one that was an important friend.
A friend that meant a difference to someone.
I should understand that I am someone not that capable.
Keep wanting to be strong for the recent years,
But I think I cannot.
While I know I must work harder to be deemed as someone important,
My self esteem is thoroughly crushed.
I have to focus on self healing first.
Trying to build my indestructible was that is much more reliable than people.
The wall that I can lean on myself.
That I wont ever want to anticipate or hope anymore,
Because through this,
I'm ever more clear that I can never tolerate the disappointment.
I dont ever want to trust,
Because after you know that you are just as regular as someone else,
it feels terrible,
It feels like you are being betrayed.
After being crushed directly,
I never want to know,
And I really felt that I wanted to disappear somewhere.
I'm in pain and I have to stand up myself.
Knowing that I am and have always been alone.
=(
I must be stronger, but this time, alone.
You coloured my life @
11:01 PM
![[c]d4rkang3l](http://i116.photobucket.com/albums/o5/Darkk-ang3l/Rainbowline.jpg)
11:01 PM
